Only two weeks in (although it feels like two months with everything that's happened) and the dynamic of the house has changed more than Geri Halliwell's dietary requirements. Shabaz walked, Dawn was ejected whilst trying to walk, Bonnie was evicted, Sam and Aisleyne entered, George walked and this Friday Sezer was evicted. In the history of Big Brother, there has probably never been a contestant with such misplaced arrogance as Sezer. There's no doubting his value to the house as a source of entertainment, but people have pointed out that the look on his face more than compensated for the 11 weeks he'll be gone. They were saying it before he even went, and true enough, his face was a picture. He genuinely believed he had no chance of going, due to a combination of factors. Namely,

(a) He spectactularly miscalculated the voting habits of the public.

(b) He publicly announced this flawed sense of security ("they'll never vote me out over a girl"), making the voters even more likely to throw it back in his face.

(c) He thought 'Team Plastics' would be preferred to their opposition of Richard, Lea, Lisa and Pete.

(d) He's up himself.

All of this resulted in the astounding 91.6% vote haul, even more astonishing when you remember it was a Triple Threat vote. The heat during his exit was comparable to that of George Galloway's eviction, which is really saying something. While his theory on the votes may have some truth (women are often voted out for little apparent reason, and the final night is usually top-heavy with men), the stupidest possible thing to do was to announce his safety to the voting public itself. Whenever anyone gets a bit shirty (see Victor, Ahmed, Saskia, Maxwell, Tim Cully et al) the public votes them out immediately. Ignoring the entertainment value of the respective housemates, they seem to vote out anyone who develops an opinion. If Sezer had lasted the 13 weeks he could have amassed a high number of votes (although it's difficult to see anyone reaching Pete's popularity, and rightly so), but I guess we'll never know.

If Pete is now backing Lea, does that make Lea a babyface? And how are the crowd going to treat her when she eventually goes?

I saw the legendary charisma machine (ahem) known as Ray Shah on BBLB, claiming that he'd won a Golden Ticket and burying Victor Ebuwa. What a moron.

The question is, what happens to the house now? People are speculating that the show will die without Sezer, but they said that when Shabaz left. Fact is, there are enough bullies (or enough of a bullying culture) to ensure that friction will continue long into the next 11 weeks. Bullying draws - a sad but true fact. Grace has clearly had the proverbial wind knocked from her sails, Aisleyne and Sam are growing unpopular with 'Team Plastic' and Imogen is looking lost post-Sezer. And Glyn is still singing. In other words, the show is safe for the time being.


Glyn:Singer

Shabaz has gone. This is terrible news.

For five days (and in a way it felt like five weeks) he WAS Big Brother 7. Every scene featured him. Every argument was caused by him. Virtually every moment of entertainment had something to do with him. Yes, he would be insufferable to live in the same house as, but that's not the point. All the drama and talking points of BB7, other than the surreal Diary Room promos from Nikki and Pete's comedic actions, have involved Shabaz.

Having said that, the man was unhinged. Rumour has it he was talking of suicide in the house, so leaving was probably best for everyone. Once the group had ganged up on him a la Jodie Marsh (but with a little more explanation than last time), his time was up. In addition, his departure paves the way for real alliances to form within the house. Up until now, it's been 'Shabaz vs. the Rest of the World', with Pete flitting between both camps. Now he's gone, their united front will slip within days, and groups will form like in previous years. I predict the young chavs/clubbers to form a distinctive group, with Imogen, Sezer, Grace, George, Mikey and Nikki among them. The older housemates like Richard and Lea will all pretend they're more mature and form an 'adult' group. George and Sezer have already speculated over this possibility in the kind of late-night analysis made famous (and performed more humorously) by the likes of Victor and Jason.

Dawn has also walked, rather bizarrely. I'd like to pretend I knew why, but I was totally bemused by tonight's show. One minute she was receiving news that her sister was ill, the next she was walking around with a code on her hand and being warned by Big Brother. The whole thing went over my head unfortunately. But in any event, she's gone, apparently to make way for two ex-housemates to arrive for the next week. If Tickle, Victor or Eugene aren't among the pair, then Channel 4 are doing the British public a disservice.

But the show badly misses Shabaz. The house needs him like a hole in the head, but the show will miss him. Monday's episode was surely one of the greatest BB's in history, ending with his confiscation of the housemates' food. The final scene was TV gold as he muttered that the house would blame Big Brother for the food disappearance, then said savagely, "We'll see how long I'm sent to Coventry for now." He probably reached his peak as an entertaining character on Monday, as he just became a pain the next night. Living within 5 miles of him would be absolutely unbearable, but he was a great reality TV character. Having said that, you could class Nadia and Jade as successful BB contestants, and that's hardly a ringing endorsement.

Tip for Eviction: Bono. The U2 lead singer has been very disappointing, and has shown none of the charisma and leadership which spearheaded the Make Poverty History campaign. That voice just annoys me - I don't know if it's the Leicester accent or not, but it ain't half difficult to understand.

After 9 months, a surreal Celebrity edition and an endless media circus, the suspense is finally over. It's back.

14 housemates, 13 weeks (surely a month too much) and 5 million viewers. It's become a part of the summer now. But what makes Big Brother so utterly unmissable is the varying mix of people from year to year. There's only been one Victor Ebuwa. There's only been one Jade Goody (although Chantelle seemed to be trying for a while). There's only been one Nadia. In a sense there have been two, but let's put that aside for the moment. Every year, a completely different pool of housemates is formed, and it makes for fascinating viewing. Despite the media's usual incoherent nonsense about this being the craziest year ever, I actually think they're the most sane group of housemates since Jon Tickle's one-man show of 2003, which (Tickle aside) featured all the charisma, fun and entertainment of a night with John Prescott. Only less racy. Having said that, they were nice enough people. On the other hand, BB6 last year may have been even WORSE, due to the mind-numbingly boring series of arguments about food, Makosi, food, Saskia, food, and Makosi. It was clear they were trying to create a carbon copy of BB5 by putting the biggest characters possible in the house. Instead, they gave us a bunch of twats. At least this year they've struck a balance of some sort:-

Bonnie. The annual chav representative, by the looks of things. The absolute double of Rosie Webster from Coronation Street, who is a goth, rather ironically. Can't even be bothered to pronounce words properly. When she went in I thought she pronounced her name Bono. Having Bono in the house would have been a better idea.


Bono: Housemate

Pete. I'm not sure what to say here. First off, he's clearly designed to be this year's Nadia, and that alone is unfortunate. You're either going to vote for him because of his Tourettes or vote against him because it annoys you. It's like how everyone felt good about themselves 2 years ago, saying "We're voting for Nadia in spite of her secret". No you weren't, you were voting because of her secret. No matter what he says or does, the voting is going to come down to his illness, and that's an inherently unfair fact. He does seem to be a genuinely nice guy.
Secondly, I do find him humorous, but I'm not sure I'm supposed to. Tourettes is a serious illness and in itself is not to be laughed at, obviously. But from a TV standpoint, some of his quirks can be quite funny, and some of the timings of his insults are hilarious. But am I in the wrong for laughing, or are Endemol in the wrong for knowingly placing someone with a visible illness into a freak show filled with cameras? As Marcus Bentley himself says, you decide.

George. This year's Tim Cully, but likely to be more popular. I'll just have to ignore his disgusting lust for fox hunting, a la Derek, and accept him for who he is in the house. Comprende?

Shabaz. Marco with a Glaswgian accent. I was prepared to like him until he overexaggerated his joy at each housemate's arrival, screaming, "OOOHHHHHMMMMYYYYYGGGGOOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!" How many people in Big Brother have established that as their catchphrase? It's been passe since Helen Adams in 2001. Do they think people are going to congratulate them on the street and screech, "Oh My God!!!" back at them? As catchphrases go, it's hardly, "Controversial" or "Da Slick Man, Rapper/Part-time Hitman".

Mikey. Vernon Kay. Next.

Lea. Booed out of town by the crowd on Day One, rather oddly. Granted, her dimensions are fairly grotesque and her surgery makes her look 55 rather than 35, but that's no reason to boo her. Nonetheless, my tip for the first eviction. Betfair is your friend.

Imogen. Virtually the only eye candy on the entire show. Will struggle to remain popular in the eyes of the largely female audience, who seem to vote out anyone with a pair of breasts in a jealous rage. Beyond me.

Dawn. A complete and utter liar. From her entrance vignette, you'd think she was anti-social and unwilling to talk to anyone. In she strides with a smile on her face, talking to anyone and everyone in a relaxed way. She put on more of a gimmick in her audition tape than Craig did last year, and that's saying something.

Glyn. Craig Gordon, the Hearts goalkeeper. Similar to Mikey. Let's move on.

Lisa. An interesting one. Seemingly very sociable and friendly, but she let rip at Nikki for comparing her breath to an ashtray. Well you will go and smoke 30 a day, love. People in glass houses should take nicotine patches.

Sezer. Playing up to the cocky gimmick, much like Mikey and Glyn. Other than that, I've yet to establish one clear character trait in any of them. Give it time, obviously.

Nikki. Someone's idea of a joke, surely. Not her mere existence, but her selection for the show. She looks lost, and was seemingly traumatised after catching her foot on the diary room door. I've also read that her breast enlargements were paid for by the NHS, which is surely up there with all the worst Prescott/Hewitt/Clarke scandals of the last month. She'll either be out within 2 weeks or will last all the way after deciding to fade into the background. But still, beats 13 weeks of people like Saskia and Craig, doesn't it?

Grace. Not decided yet. Will probably have friction with Imogen, as is the tradition in these shows.

Richard. A vile audition video, and yet he's still not as bad as most housemates from the last couple of years. He'll probably take the Dan-type role of being the sensible gay guy, helping any short-sighted people to realise that not every gay man is like Shabaz or Marco. Destined to be in there for 13 weeks and not finish higher than 3rd. The callers on Big Brother's Big Mouth will claim he's "not confrontational enough".

And that's your lot. A couple of days in and the characters are already more established than last year's clusterfrig. Other than the bizarre decision to ditch BBLB from Channel 4 (don't you realise Dermot O'Leary is the best all-round presenter of the three), the producers seem to have done things right for once. So far. Whether Shabaz takes over and runs his own dictatorship (which is becoming increasingly likely) or Nikki decides to smile the right way up, it's going to be compelling. And much, much better than last year. I'm not sure it can get much worse.